Sustained By Hate
by DragonGirl323
Summary: Operation Nora wasn't over, not by a long shot. He would pay for what he did. He would pay dearly. What would happen if Hope really did kill Snow? Warning: character death.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own nor claim to own any aspect of Final Fantasy XIII, including the characters, plot, music or anything else applicable. All rights belong to Square Enix. I do, however, own this story along with **Zidiane**, the author that gave me this story idea. No other disclaimers will be posted. Please refer to this chapter in the future.

**Author's Note:**

**August 20th, 2012**

I have fixed small grammatical and punctuation errors since first uploading this story. As always, thank you for the continued support. I will forever appreciate it.

* * *

><p>Sustained By Hate<p>

By: Jenna Duffy

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

**Lonely Among Us**

* * *

><p><strong>(Hope)<strong>

_Why couldn't I have stayed with Light? Why did she make me go with Snow? Doesn't she know how much I hate him? Doesn't she know how much I want to kill him?_

All those thoughts and more flew through my mind a million times over as I begrudgingly followed Snow through Palompolum to a spot where we could rest. That fight with the Subjugator had completely exhausted me and I felt like lying down in the middle of the street and passing out. Following Snow was like following a blind man. He had absolutely no idea where he was going; I could have led him to a place that was closer to Felix Heights, but I didn't want to talk to him anymore than I had to. I expected him to ask for directions as he blazed a confusing path through the back alleys at least half a dozen times, but he never did, which wasn't at all surprising. Trudging along behind him and scowling at the back of his head was really the only course of action available to me.

My hands involuntarily bunched into tight fists as I wondered how much longer I would have to wait until I could carry out Operation Nora. I know Light had told me that it was over, but I didn't want it to be. My mother's memory deserved more than just an 'I'm sorry' and 'I wish I could take it back'. Operation Nora would never be over until Snow was dead. Nothing Lightning could say would change that. The fact that she had told me to abort my revenge against him made me feel betrayed. I almost wanted to hate her for that, but I just couldn't; she had done far too much for me.

Snow eventually stumbled upon a lookout area my mom and I used to frequent when I was younger. I leaned against the concrete wall that was still warm from exposure from the sun and considered about telling Snow that we should find somewhere else to rest, but, just as I was about to speak up, I thought better of it. I didn't want to have to suffer through another hour or more of Snow blindly meandering through Palompolum. My self control was already at its end.

My eyes followed Snow as he popped a couple of gil coins into one of the vending machines. A ghost of a smile appeared on my face as I remembered my mom buying me my favorite soda while we watched the sun set together.

"Here," Snow said, offering me a can of, coincidentally, my favorite soda.

I stared at it for a second, seriously considering taking it. I really was thirsty, – and hungry and tired – but I didn't want to be anywhere near him. "I'm not thirsty."

He frowned, looking at the soda in his hand with confusion. "Okay…" he said, staring down at the can like it was going to explain my behavior to him. Then he shrugged his shoulders and cracked it open. "Well, don't want to waste it."

I averted my eyes away from him and decided to look at the sunset instead. My mind dredged up a memory of my mother when I was younger and my stomach twisted into a dozen painful knots. If we would have never gotten stuck in Bodhum I wouldn't be a l'Cie right now and she wouldn't be dead. I would still be a normal kid with a bright future ahead of him. If we had only stayed home, she would have never joined Snow.

My right hand found Light's survival knife, my fingers curling around the cold metal firmly. My eyes found Snow as he was taking a long drag from the soda can. Suddenly, when I looked at the large martial artist in that instant, a strange impulse to forget about Operation Nora washed over me. He was so carefree and oblivious of his own doom that I wasn't so sure if I should follow through, but the memory of watching my mom fall into the black abyss of the Hanging Edge quickly shoved that feeling away.

"I can't – " I mumbled, pushing away from the wall. My gaze found Snow and I grit my teeth. "Snow? What do you plan to do? I need to know."

He turned at the sound of my voice and grinned. "I told you. Save Serah, protect Cocoon and have myself a big happy family. Still, it's a long road ahead. Or maybe not so long," he said as he looked down at his brand. "Whatever happens, things will work themselves out. Even if you're l'Cie, you've gotta keep fighting." He threw the empty soda can at a trash receptacle, a cocky smile forming on his face when it dropped inside.

My face screwed up in disgust. I had a feeling he was going to say something like that. His hero bit was a joke. He was living in a fantasy world. It was like he had been travelling with blinders on since we were turned into l'Cie, like all of this was some sort of game.

"And what if that gets people around you involved? What if your actions end up ruining someone's life?" I could tell that my words were having an effect on him by the expression on his face. My breath caught in my throat as the alarm bells signaling the start of Operation Nora went off in my head.

_This is it!_ I thought, balling my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

"What if someone dies? What then, Snow?"

"I…" he mumbled, stumbling backwards.

"How do you pay for what you've done?" I asked, my voice growing louder. My whole body was quivering with anticipation now and I could feel my l'Cie magic pushing at the edges of my mind, begging to be released.

"I can't, all right?" Snow bellowed as he whirled around and slammed his hand down on the railing. "There is nothing that can make something like that right again. When someone's dead, when someone's gone, words are useless."

My mouth dropped open, dumbfounded by what he had just said. He wasn't a hero at all! He was just a coward. My stomach did flip-flops as the thought of my mom, the strongest person I knew, gave her life fighting alongside someone that was too weak to face his own problems. "So that's it? People die and you just run away?"

"I know! It's all my fault!" he replied, his shoulders bunching up in shame and guilt. "But I don't know how to fix it! Where do you start? What do you say? All I can do is go forward. Keep fighting and surviving until I find the answers I need."

I felt the weight of Light's survival knife in my back pocket more than ever now. My heart began to race and I swore I could feel the seconds ticking by until my revenge would be complete.

"There are no answers! You're running from what you deserve!" I exclaimed, my feet carrying me forward a few steps. My magic was now pulsing beneath my skin in time with the beat of my heart. It was palpable in the air around me and it took all my control to keep it from bursting forth.

"Well, why don't you tell me what I deserve," Snow snarled, his voice savage as he looked over his shoulder at me.

"The same fate!" My body convulsed and I welcomed the energy that was seething inside me. I bent almost completely over backwards as the magic exploded out of my chest. I saw fireworks behind my eyelids and I thought I heard Snow yell in the background. Once the magic dissipated into the air my hand immediately found the knife in my pocket. I swiftly flicked the blade out as I walked toward the edge of the plateau, biting back the smirk that wanted to crawl across my face when I saw him hanging onto the edge for dear life.

"Nora Estheim," I began, my voice hollow as I looked down at him. "She was my mother. And she died because of you!"

"You!" Snow announced, his eyes widening in realization. "You're the one she meant!"

I paused momentarily but shook his words from my mind as I flung the knife above my head. Snow eyed it warily, his mouth agape, and time seemed to slow down. My heart was beating like a bass drum in my ears, slow and methodical, even though I knew it should have been racing.

_This is it!_ my mind screamed, making my breath catch in my throat._ Do it! Do it now!_ My grip on the knife tightened and Snow's wide, terrified eyes met mine as I thrust the knife downward. I held my breath, all my thoughts going immediately to my mother. All the weeks of dreaming about this moment was finally going to come to fruition. _I love you, Mom,_ I thought, unshed tears burning behind my eyes.

Snow ducked his head as the knife steadily approached him, but his futile attempt to save himself was all for naught. He wasn't going to be able to run away or make excuses to get out of it. It was over for him and I was certain he knew it.

I slammed the knife into his back and heard him cry out in agony; my revenge was at hand! I was so preoccupied, in fact, that I didn't notice my inertia had begun to carry me over the edge as well. I tried to steady myself, but it was too late. I flipped over Snow and tumbled through the air like a rag doll, my mind reeling as I tried to think of anything I could do to survive this. If I was lucky, I was only going to break a few bones and I would be even luckier if I would be able to heal myself once I landed. I was hoping my l'Cie powers would save me. So I closed my eyes, clenched my teeth and hoped for the best.

After falling through the air for a few more weightless seconds, I crashed through a glass overhang, gasping as it felt like someone had kicked me in the back, landing on another one with a thud. I almost rolled off of it, but I gripped the edge tightly with both hands then looked up to see if Snow was still hanging above me.

Snow's limp body went sailing past me before I even had time to look up. I watched as he slammed into a pile of wooden crates, his body making a sickening crunch as it hit the ground. I peered over the edge of the overhang, holding my breath and waiting for him to move. The seconds turned into minutes and he remained motionless. I jumped off the glass overhang, landing awkwardly and falling to my knees. I hissed as the pain in my back began to radiate down my legs. I considered myself lucky that I hadn't broken anything. My legs began to tremble as I rose from the ground and cautiously approached him. As I got closer, I could see the knife sticking out of his back and my stomach starting doing sickening somersaults when I saw all the blood that had stained his trench coat. An unusual feeling passed over me as I kneeled down beside him, a feeling that I couldn't really put words to. I gingerly curled my fingers around the hilt of the knife and pulled it out of his back. I cringed, expecting some kind of reaction from him, but he remained still.

When I rolled him over the sick feeling I had experienced earlier intensified tenfold. His blue eyes were dull, lifeless, staring up at the sky with an empty gaze. I lifted a shaking hand to his neck and checked for a pulse. His heart wasn't beating.

"He's dead," I whispered, falling back against a crate in shock.

Operation Nora was complete, it was finally over. I couldn't fight off the smug expression that curled my mouth upwards. My mother's memory could finally be put to rest. Suddenly, I was overcome by grief and I pulled my knees up to my chest and clenched my hands in front of my face. My body began to tremble and the tears that had burned my eyes earlier poured out, blazing hot trails down my cheeks.

"He's dead," I repeated, a feeling of closure settling over me as I hesitantly looked back at Snow.

Try as I might I couldn't take my eyes away from Snow's empty stare. The repercussions of what I had just done hit me full in the face like a cold slap. I was glad that justice had finally been handed out, but I hadn't thought ahead to what I would do after Snow was out of the picture.

_How am I going to explain this to everyone?_ I thought. _How am I going to tell Light?_

Fear closed around my heart with an icy grip at that thought. Fooling everyone else would be a lot easier than fooling her. I suddenly felt sick, knowing in the back of my head that I was in deep trouble. I couldn't let Lightning or anyone else know what I had done. Ever.

My gaze somehow broke away from Snow and went to the bloodied knife I was still holding. I wiped the blood off of the blade with a corner of his trench coat then placed it in my back pocket. I could feel my knees shaking as I got up and, as I looked down at Snow again, I began to experience strange mixed feelings. I still thought I was justified in my decision, but I couldn't help but feel like there could have been a different solution.

The rest of the walk to my house was a long one. Snow's dull eyes wouldn't leave my mind no matter how hard I tried to think of something else. I knew that I was going to be having nightmares for a long time.

When Felix Heights came into view, coming up with a believable excuse for why Snow wasn't with me jumped to the forefront of my mind. I could already see Lightning's face in my head and I knew keeping this secret from her was going to be extremely hard. I definitely had my work cut out for me.

My heart sank into the bottom of my stomach when my house slowly materialized at the top of the immense staircase. Lightning was standing in the middle of my front yard, her arms crossed stiffly over her chest. I knew she was looking for me and Snow and I felt a cold sweat start to form on the back of my neck.

Saying that I was nervous would be an extreme understatement. I approached her with my hands clenched into fists at my sides, dreading what my future held now. Lightning was smart. I knew she was going to figure out something was wrong sooner or later. I just needed to be prepared for when it happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A Matter of Honor**

* * *

><p><strong>(Lightning)<strong>

As soon as I saw Hope I could tell that something was wrong with him. He was walking like he was mildly intoxicated, his steps were clumsy and he even tripped over his own foot once. As he got closer and I could make out his expression, it looked like he was uneasy or at least preoccupied by something. My eyebrows twitched, wanting to form a frown, but I kept my face stoic. An odd feeling traveled through me when I saw the haunted look in his green eyes.

"What took you so long? You were supposed to be here almost an hour ago," I began, moving my eyes away from him long enough to search the area behind him. "Where's Snow?"

Guilt flashed like a lightning strike through his eyes so quickly that I almost missed it. All kinds of red flags flew up in my head when cold indifference slid onto his face. Something had definitely happened.

"We got separated. I don't know where he is," he replied, his voice taking on an odd tone that I didn't like.

I approached him slowly, struggling to keep my face calm. I softly laid my hand on his shoulder, hoping that it would get his attention, but he didn't move. He was rooted to the spot, still as a statue, staring down at the ground with an empty gaze.

"Hope," I whispered harshly and when he met my eyes I was caught off guard by the intensity of his stare. "What happened?"

He shook off my hand. "I already told you – we got separated. I don't know where he is."

He brushed past me and right when I was about to grab him and demand answers, something in the back of my mind stopped me. There were about a dozen questions I wanted to assault him with, but my voice wouldn't work and I had no idea why.

Fang walked outside right when Hope was walking in and they collided, the larger woman nearly knocking him on the ground. He didn't say a word as he regained his balance and merely looked in Fang's direction before rushing inside his home. By the confused expression on her face as she watched him depart she was more than likely having the same thoughts I was.

"What's eatin' 'im? Did you say somethin' that rubbed 'im the wrong way?" she asked as she came to stand next to me.

I glanced at her briefly before continuing to stare at the spot the youngest member of our group had been standing in just a few moments ago. "No, it's what he said that concerns me."

"Oh?" she prodded, urging me to continue. One of her dark eyebrows arched suspiciously as she waited for me to answer.

"He said that he got separated from Snow on their way here. He's never given me a reason not to believe him before, but, for the first time since I met him, I've got a feeling he's lying."

I met Fang's gaze and her eyes were narrowed slightly. "Well, there's only one way to find out. I say we go in there and knock the truth out of 'im."

I looked towards the empty doorway and felt my already furrowed brows scrunch together even more. "As much as I agree with you, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I've got a bad feeling about this and I hope my assumptions are wrong."

"What d'you think happened?"

"I'll keep that to myself until I know I'm right," I replied, walking inside to see how Hope's reunion with his father was going.

I wasn't really sure what to expect as I walked through the halls of the Estheim's home towards the sitting room. His father, Bartholomew, hadn't been what I was expecting either. Hope had described him as uncaring and generally disinterested when it came to him, but I had discovered that wasn't exactly the truth. The poor man was worried sick about his wife as well as his teenage son. When I continually refused to answer his questions pertaining to what was going on mere moments after we had arrived at his Felix Heights home it only made him more distressed, especially since Hope wasn't yet with us. I had deduced that Bartholomew was like every other parent that was unsure of how to relate to their teenager. I could tell that he genuinely loved his son, but he just didn't know how to express his feelings to him.

_Hope better realize how lucky he is to still have his father,_ I thought as I turned the corner into the main living room.

I could hear muffled voices coming from the small sitting room and approached with mild reluctance, unsure of what I was going to hear or see. I peeked my head just far enough around the corner to see and saw Bartholomew hunched over with his head in his hands. Hope was sitting on a small couch on his father's right side, staring at him like he was seeing him for the first time.

"Nora…" Bartholomew sobbed, his voice overcome with grief.

Hope's nervous fidgeting caught my attention and his uncertainty was painted all over his face. I thought I could detect something else roiling beneath the surface of his façade and my aggravation over the unknown set my nerves on edge.

"Dad, I um… I know…" he stammered, his voice uneasy. I could see his hands quivering from my vantage point. "I'll be in my room."

He rose and I instinctively moved aside, listening intently when Hope spoke again. "We're gonna rest up. Then we'll leave. If they find out you're sheltering l'Cie, they'll – "

I looked back around the corner when a loud thud interrupted Hope. Bartholomew had slammed his fist down on the coffee table, making all the items on top of it jump around like they had suddenly been brought to life. I saw Hope's shoulders scrunch up towards his ears when his father's voice rose above the sound of the television behind me.

"You're my son!" he exclaimed. "This is your home." Hope met his father's gaze then and he stood there as motionless as a statue for only a few seconds before moving to go sit beside him. Bartholomew smiled as he gently laid his hand on his shoulder. "My son."

My mouth twitched as I watched their sentimental exchange. I knew that when all of this l'Cie nonsense was finally over Hope would have somewhere to go back to. I slid into the doorway and leaned up against the door jam, feeling a tiny pang of regret at having to break up their moment. I needed to talk to Hope alone and it couldn't wait any longer.

Bartholomew noticed me almost immediately. I saw Hope shift uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye and wondered briefly if he knew what was coming.

"What can I do for you, Lightning?" he asked, moving his hand away from his son's shoulder.

"I need to speak with Hope," I replied, looking at the small silver haired teen that was sitting on his father's right.

"Of course," Bartholomew said, reaching up to squeeze Hope's shoulder one last time before he rose from the couch. I met the older man's eyes as he walked past me and I was momentarily confused by his expression. It seemed as though he was almost reluctant to leave us alone.

Once Bartholomew had joined Fang in the living room, I slowly slid the door shut halfway then went to stand in front of the coffee table, staring down at Hope with an empty expression. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and refused to meet my gaze.

The silence between us grew thick and my chest tightened painfully. The fact that he wouldn't tell me what was bothering him upset me. He'd been so open with me on our journey here and not knowing how I could help him now was immensely aggravating. I propped my hands on my hips and dug my fingertips into my leather miniskirt, fighting to keep my emotions in check.

"What's going on, Hope?" I said just loud enough for him to hear.

He looked up at me, his eyes as hard as emeralds, and I was briefly taken aback by how serious it made him look. "I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered harshly.

His attitude was confusing me more and more every second. What was the catalyst? My frustration was quickly turning into anger. "You know damn well what I'm talking about," I growled, keeping my voice low so our conversation wouldn't spill into the other room. "Where's Snow?"

I caught a brief flicker of _something_ in his hardened expression and I would have missed it if I wasn't being observant. His mask slid back into place a moment later and a sense of helplessness washed over me. "I already told you," he mumbled, his voice flat. "We got separated. I tried looking for him but, by then it was already getting late." He paused and narrowed his eyes at me. "Why do you care so much about him anyway? When all of this started whether or not he lived or died didn't matter to you."

The accusation in his tone sounded vaguely possessive, making my confusion double. "You of all people should know the answer to that. Everything I do, I do for my sister," I snapped, feeling my voice nearly stumble when I thought about Serah. I clamped my lips together to prevent Hope from seeing them quiver. I took a deep breath and rubbed my face with one hand while I regained my composure. "Snow has been the only constant in her life for a while. It's up to me to make sure he's still around when she wakes up." Even though I still didn't like Snow that much I knew my sister needed him.

Hope's entire demeanor changed instantly. He hung his head and drug his fingers through his hair, looking as if an enormous weight had been dumped on his shoulders. I could see his hands shaking from where they were gripping his scalp and I knew something wasn't right. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. Every cell in my body wanted to go to him and force the truth out of him by whatever means necessary.

But, before I could register what was going on, Hope rose from his seat on the couch and went to walk past me. My hand moved automatically, flying over faster than I thought possible to latch onto his wrist before he had the chance to escape. He tried to rip his arm out of my grasp, but I tightened my grip and turned toward him, determination burning in my eyes.

"I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong," I whispered, trying to communicate my concern through my eyes.

"I don't want your help," he retorted sharply, refusing to look at me.

I was so stunned by his reply that I dropped his hand like he had struck me. I had never heard his voice sound so cold since I had met him. I watched him walk away from me, my feet rooted to the floor, feeling more lost than I had felt in a long time.

Once I had collected myself satisfactorily, I emerged from the sitting room to find Fang and Bartholomew lounging in front of the big screen television; Hope was nowhere to be seen. The 'l'Cie threat' was all over the news and I screwed my face up in disgust as the female reporter on the screen went on and on about how we were a 'band of soulless monsters'. I forcibly shifted my focus away from Hope, if only for a few moments, so I could regain my bearings. I glanced down at my gloved hands, the woman's words echoing in my head. I was almost willing to agree with her. The things I could do now… How much stronger and faster than I was before almost scared me sometimes. It almost made me feel like I really was a monster.

_But I'm not,_ I thought, tightening my hands into fists. _I'm still the same person. No matter what anyone else says._

The sudden thought that losing his mother, not being turned into an enemy of the only home he's ever known, changed Hope. After all, he was technically still a child. If he felt anything like Serah and I had felt over the loss of our own parents, I knew what he was going through. I was the only one that could relate with him. I sighed and crossed my arms as I approached Fang and Bartholomew, who still hadn't noticed me.

"Fang," I called as I walked past them. I needed to talk to her, but I didn't want Bartholomew to hear what I was about to say. I paused next to a decorative end table in the middle of the hallway and stared down at the photographs arranged on top.

"What's up?" she asked, keeping her voice low.

"You know that bad feeling I had earlier?" I began, looking into her dark eyes earnestly.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I just tried talking to Hope again." I paused and tried to put reason to what had just happened between us, but arrived at the same conclusion every time.

"You think he did something to Snow?" she asked, obviously coming to her own conclusions.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, wishing I didn't have to speak the accusation in my mind aloud. I wouldn't be able to get any closer to the truth if Fang didn't believe me. She was the only one I could confide in right now. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell Bartholomew that his son was a murderer.

"Spit it out, Lightning," Fang prodded, drumming her fingers on the table's surface impatiently.

I nodded and breathed in deeply through my nose. "I think Hope killed Snow."

I was prepared for the dead silence that followed my confession. Fang's thoughts probably hadn't gone that far. "You're kidding, right?" she asked, her eyes visibly wider.

"I wish I was," I replied, folding my arms loosely over my stomach. The knot in my throat was slowly getting bigger and I knew it wouldn't be long before it choked me.

"What makes you think that?" she asked as she glanced over my shoulder, making sure Bartholomew wasn't coming over.

"Because he told me he was going to take out his revenge for his mother's death against Snow. I thought I had talked him out of it."

"Well whatever you said apparently didn't do the trick. How are we gonna get him to tell us the truth?" she asked, continuing to look over my shoulder.

"I don't know," I replied, absentmindedly rubbing the back of my neck. I hadn't exactly asked him straight out if he had taken out his revenge on Snow. I had been hoping he would confess without me having to ask, which was wishful thinking on my part.

"Where's Hope got to now?" Fang inquired.

"I think he went to his room," I muttered, glancing over my shoulder at Bartholomew. He was sitting on the couch with his eyes glued to the television screen, none the wiser about what we were talking about.

_To be so blissfully unaware,_ I thought. _I wish I had that luxury right now._

"We need to get the truth out of him. Maybe if we both take 'im on…" she suggested. I could hear the cold, calculated huntress side in her voice, and I didn't like it. Hope may not have been with us by choice, but he was still our comrade. I didn't want Fang treating him like he was our enemy.

"Let's give him some space," I said, suddenly feeling intuition strike me. "At the end of the day he's still a child. If he really did kill Snow his conscious is probably eating away at him as we speak. Just don't mention anything to his father."

"I'm not that thick," she remarked. "What are we supposed to do until he decides to come clean? Just sit and act like everything's peachy?"

"Yes, that's exactly what we're going do," I whispered harshly. "We won't get any closer to the truth if we try to force it out of him. Plus, I'm still waiting to see if Snow shows up. What if they really did get separated? If so, I don't want to accuse him before we know he's guilty."

"You act like we have all the time in the world. In case you've forgotten, we're still l'Cie on the run from the Sanctum. We can't sit around and wait for Hope to tell us what happened. We don't have that luxury," Fang reasoned, propping her hands on her hips.

I knew she was right, but something was telling me to give Hope the benefit of the doubt. "I know that. Just trust me on this."

The muscles in her jaw tightened, but she nodded her head stiffly. I wanted to get to the bottom of this as much as she did, but my judgment had been tainted by the connection I had forged with Hope on our journey together. I wanted so badly to believe him. If he really had killed Snow… I didn't even want to think about that yet.

"Fine then," Fang said as she walked past me.

I stayed where I was for a few moments, leaning up against the table and heaving a tired sigh. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about all of this. Ignorance was bliss, after all.

When I finally made my way back into the living room both Bartholomew and Fang were gone. I followed the muffled shuffling and banging coming from down the hallway, finding them both in the kitchen. Bartholomew was rooting around in the cupboards while Fang was standing near the back wall, staring out the window. There wasn't much to see besides the lights of Palumpolum but I knew she wasn't standing there by choice. She wasn't happy with me about my decision to wait and it was probably driving her mad. I turned to Bartholomew who was staring at the contents of the fridge with a lost expression.

He caught me looking at him and chuckled nervously. "Nora was the cook." His voice broke then and I could see his eyes glistening from behind his glasses. He reached a hand up and attempted to wipe them dry. "Forgive me, my wife's death is proving quite difficult to deal with."

"Understandable." I paused as he went to sit at the dining room table, sinking into one of the chairs like a marionette whose strings had been cut. "You've already done enough by offering us shelter. Don't feel like you need to cook us dinner as well. I'm sure we can manage on our own."

"It's the least I can do," he replied, his voice sounding like it was on the verge of breaking again. "You kept my son safe. I won't ever be able to repay you for that."

I didn't quite know how to respond to his compliment so I changed the subject. "We'll be leaving early in the morning. Hope needs to come with us."

"Yes, I know," Bartholomew replied, hanging his head. "He wouldn't be safe here." He looked up and stared at me with a strange expression on his face. "You'll protect him?"

I wasn't quite sure if he was asking me or telling me, but I nodded all the same. _But how am I going to protect him from himself?_ I thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I won't let you down," I answered, fully intending to keep my promise whatever the circumstances.

He left the kitchen without another word and went elsewhere. That was the end of our conversation for the rest of the night.

I let Fang handle dinner, as it had never been my strong suit. Serah had handled all of that after our parents had passed. Cleaning up after her had been my responsibility. Remembering what my sister had been like growing up only made me think of her current predicament now and my mood immediately turned dark. I hated being reminded of how uncertain the future was when I thought of her.

My train of thought was interrupted when Fang set a plate of food in front of me. I frowned down at the assortment of different items and briefly wondered if she had gone to a buffet. I couldn't have cared less though. I hadn't eaten since early this morning so I was happy with whatever she had managed to scrounge together.

"I didn't even know what half of the stuff in his fridge was. Sorry if any of it isn't edible. That's what I get for being in crystal stasis for so long, eh?" she joked, more than likely trying to lighten up the mood.

"It's not like you had control over it," I replied, idly picking at what she had prepared.

Our conversation didn't go much farther than that, although she continually drilled me on what I was going to do about getting the truth out of Hope. She was beginning to sound like a broken record. Her sense of urgency wasn't lost on me, but it was beginning to get aggravating. It didn't matter how many times I told her I had the situation handled. She insisted on bringing it up every chance she got.

After helping Fang clean up the kitchen, Bartholomew set up the guest bedroom so we could get some sleep. The fact that there was a separate bed for each of us – a small couch that folded out and a twin sized bed – sent a wave of relief through me. I hadn't shared a bed with anyone but my sister and that wasn't going to be changing anytime soon. While I watched Bartholomew fold out the bed from the couch, I looked over my shoulder into the hallway, my mind whirring with concern for Hope. I already had an idea of how I was going to get the truth out of him, but I was choosing to keep it to myself, mostly because I didn't want Fang getting involved. Hope was my responsibility.

"Mr. Estheim," I began, a strange feeling of pressure suddenly falling over me.

He straightened, firmly rubbing the base of his back, and turned to me. "Yes?"

"Thank you," I blurted. "Everything you've done for us... You're too generous."

He smiled and shook his head before continuing to spread the sheets over the mattress. "I know Hope didn't mean to befriend any of you, but I'm glad he did. It's the least I can do, really."

I propped my hands on my hips and bit down on the inside of my cheek hard. I could feel myself stalling when I should have been putting my plan into motion. What was keeping me from getting to the bottom of this? _You know what it is,_ my mind whispered to me. It was the fear that I was right. I knew the longer I stalled the longer I could pretend that everything was fine. If I kept expecting Snow to waltz in the door with a cocky smile on his face then Hope was still innocent.

I left the guest bedroom as quickly as I possibly could without looking like I was running away. I had the urge to step outside to get some fresh air, but ended up gripping the back of a chair in the living room so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I was so preoccupied with the tumult in my head that I didn't notice it when Fang came up beside me.

"You are thinking about this way too much," she said, disapproval evident in her voice.

I tried not to act surprised by her sudden appearance, but failed miserably. "Don't remind me," I snapped, unable to keep my temper in check any longer.

"I suggest you go find him and refuse to leave him be until he gives you the truth. This is getting on my nerves," she urged, firmly wrapping her hand around my shoulder to stress her point.

My mouth tightened into a grim line as I looked at her. I had known she was right from the beginning; I just hadn't wanted to admit it. "Wish me luck," I said, walking away from her and striding down the hall in search of Hope's room before I had the chance to change my mind.

I paused at what I assumed was his door. The light from within was filtering out into the hallway and I was suddenly wishing that he was asleep so I could carry out my plan with more ease. I curled my hand over the metal door handle and stared down at it like it was going to spontaneously tell me all the answers I needed. After taking a deep breath to prepare myself for whatever was going to come next, I pushed the door open.

I stopped in the doorway, taking a few seconds to examine my surroundings, as I searched for Hope. His room looked a lot like mine had when I was fourteen. It had all the necessities that a bedroom needed, but unique in its simplicity. My eyes settled on Hope's form slumped over his desk and I felt a smile tugging on the corners of my mouth, both at the sight and convenience of the scene in front of me. I swiftly but quietly closed the door behind me and approached the sleeping teen with only one thing in mind.

Finding my knife.

If he killed Snow, some evidence had to have been left behind on it. I really was hoping that I wouldn't find anything incriminating, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was telling me different. My hands were shaking as I peered over his shoulder and my breath caught in my throat when I saw what he was lying on. I could only see one corner of the photograph of his mother, but I was pretty sure a much younger Hope was in the picture as well. Small droplets of moisture, which I assumed were tears, were splattered across the surface. My chest constricted painfully as I wished there was something more I could do for him.

_Stay focused!_ I thought, remembering why I had come in here.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and continued to search for my knife. It wasn't on his desk or his bed. I didn't think he would have hid it, so all that I had left to search was his person. Going through his pockets would be difficult because I risked waking him up. The last thing I needed was him to think I was being inappropriate. After covertly checking his front and side pockets only the back ones were left and my nerves were shot. If it wasn't in one of those, I was at a loss for what to do next.

I heaved an enormous sigh of relief when I saw it sticking out of his right back pocket. My heart was pounding in my ears as I slowly began to extract it. He twitched in his sleep when I had almost pulled it out and I froze, watching him like a hawk. The seconds ticked by like hours as I cautiously pulled the knife from his pocket a millimeter at a time. Once it was in my hand I backed a few paces away and stared down at it. The answer to all of my questions was right here in my grasp. This was it.

I flicked the blade open and my stomach plummeted through the floor. A dark brown streak of dried blood painted the top portion of the blade. I felt my stomach turn.

My mouth dropped open in horror as my gaze moved from the knife to Hope's back. He had really done it. He had killed Snow.

My shock erupted into anger when I realized that he had been lying to me from the second he got home. The corners of my mouth turned down into a disgusted sneer as my hand tightened around the survival knife I had given him to help keep him safe. I had never intended for him to use it like this.

My temper flared white-hot and I slammed my clenched fist down on the desk mere inches from his head. Hope jolted in fright and fell out of his chair in a stupor, still half asleep. His dreamy looking eyes widened when he saw me standing over him. I could practically see the blood draining from his face. I tossed my knife onto his stomach, but his terrified gaze never left mine.

"You lied to me," I seethed, the intensity of my voice cutting through the air between us like a knife. "Why?"

"I-I'm sorry, Light," he stammered, scooting along the floor until his back was pushed up against his bed. "I was scared. I didn't know what to do."

"Then you should have come to me for help!" I exclaimed, my voice raising a little higher than I intended. "You should have taken me up on my offer instead of shoving it back in my face." I paused to take a deep breath, the rush of adrenaline through my veins making it almost impossible to stay calm. "And I thought I told you that Operation Nora was over. Why didn't you listen to me?"

His throat convulsed as he swallowed, his eyes beginning to glisten. "I had to do it," he answered, his voice still quivering.

"Hope, I don't think you realize how serious this is. You _killed_ him," I said, jabbing my finger at the knife that was still lying on his stomach. "Your mother is never coming back and now neither is Snow. Do you think she would be proud of you right now if she knew what you did?"

The conviction in my words made him bow his head in shame. A moment later, his shoulders began to shake. "No, she wouldn't," he sobbed, his voice thick.

I reached down and ripped him off the floor by the collar of his shirt. "You're taking me to him," I growled, my face uncomfortably close to his. I was close enough to see the fear and unshed tears swirling through his green irises. I hated scaring him like this, but I was done playing games.

"Now?" he asked incredulously, his bottom lip quivering.

"Yes, now!" I answered, nearly screaming it at him. He squeezed his eyes shut and cringed away from me. "The fact that the Sanctum hasn't found him yet is unbelievable. I don't think we should push our luck any farther."

"How do you know they haven't found him yet?" Hope asked, trying his hardest to keep up his defensive front even though he was absolutely terrified.

I dropped him then without warning, suddenly wanting to be as far away from him as I could possibly get, and watched him land unceremoniously on the floor. "Do I really need to spell it out for you?" I asked, my eyes wide in bewilderment. "His dead body would have been splashed all over the news. People would have been dancing in the streets, Hope! And you want to know the worst part? Your father would have had to see what you did to Snow." Even though I had said it, those words still hit me like a ton of bricks. Personally, had that actually been the case, I would've had no idea how to react. Finding out the truth from a biased television reporter would have been like a cold slap to the face.

"You wouldn't tell him, would you?" he rasped, his eyes darting between my hardened expression and the door like his dad was going to barge in any second.

"No," I answered, leaning over him menacingly. "But I'm going to get very angry if you don't bring me to where you left him _right now_."

"But-but how are we going to get past Fang and my d-dad?" he stammered as he attempted to stand. His entire body was shaking so much that he couldn't even regain his balance by himself.

I growled in frustration as I once again grabbed hold of his collar and hefted him to his feet. "Leave that to me," I replied, keeping my grip on his shirt as I led him toward the door.

Sneaking out of Hope's house was the easy part. Bartholomew had already retired – and so had Fang – and the house was dark. Hope removed his yellow and orange jacket, leaving on his green scarf and black undershirt, so he wouldn't stand out too much.

Once we were back on the streets of Palompolum, navigating got just a little more difficult. Sanctum patrols were constantly going up and down both sides of the streets, which seriously impeded our progress. Even though Hope was leading me through all the back alleys we still had to be careful because about every five to ten minutes one of the PSICOM soldiers would come into the alley and shine a bright spotlight back and forth for about thirty seconds. Keeping to the shadows was the only course of action available to us.

When we finally reached the alley way that Hope had left Snow in, my legs locked up. I had seen my fair share of dead bodies, but I had never – and would never – get used to the sight of them. Hope paused next to a large wooden crate and waved me over as he stared down at something out of my view and I suddenly felt nauseous. My chest constricted tighter and tighter with each step, my anxiety threatening to choke me.

Not many people besides my sister, Snow and myself know that my parents had died within a year of each other, not at the same time. Having to deal with the loss of my father and then my mother shortly after that had nearly driven Serah and I mad. Attending two different funerals and looking down at my parents as they laid peacefully in their caskets had been like torture. After our mother had passed, the fact that we were alone had us crying ourselves to sleep during the first couple weeks. The grieving process hadn't been easy for either of us.

I hadn't realized that I had stopped next to Hope until I looked down and saw Snow's motionless body lying in a pool of coagulated blood. Miraculously, I kept my outward reaction relatively calm even though I felt like screaming and running away. I was almost glad that there was hardly any light to see by just so I didn't have to see any detail.

The smell by itself made me cover my mouth and nose with my hand and turn away. He had only been dead for a few hours, but the muggy weather of Palompolum wasn't exactly hospitable to dead bodies. Now that I could see Snow with my own eyes, see what Hope had done to him, my anger was beginning to come back full force. I slowly wrapped my left hand tightly around his shoulder, my knuckles turning stark white against his black shirt. I saw his head shift slightly out of the corner of my eye.

"Get a nice long look at this," I said, not bothering to look at him. "When my sister wakes up you're going to tell her exactly what you did."

I knew that the image of Snow lying dead at my feet would be burned into my memory for a very long time. When Hope's silence stretched on for an unnatural amount of time I risked glancing over at him and nearly gasped at what I saw.

He was crying.

Once all of my attention was on him, I noticed his shoulder quaking beneath my hand. Tears were leaking steadily from his eyes, creating skinny trails that shimmered in the meager light shining down from Eden. I blinked in surprise at his change in attitude. A few hours ago he was acting like killing Snow hadn't even affected him, like he had enjoyed it almost. Now, after the realization of what he had done sank in, it was a completely different story. I removed my hand from his shoulder so quickly an outside observer would have thought his shirt had suddenly become searing hot. He met my gaze and the helplessness I saw in his eyes was staggering.

"Light, I don't know what to do," he sobbed, his voice cracking. "What do I do?"

I clenched and unclenched my fists as I turned toward him. "Hope, you don't understand," I stressed, my frustration threatening to boil over. "There's nothing I can do for you now. I told you that Operation Nora was over. How many times do I have to tell you that I was wrong before you start listening to me? Why didn't you just let it go?" My hands were shaking so bad that it looked like I was shivering, but that couldn't have been any farther from the truth. I wanted nothing more than to grab Hope and shake him till his teeth rattled, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything.

"I had to do it!" Hope exclaimed, his voice rising about half an octave. Tears were continuing to fall from his eyes as he spoke. "He had to answer for what he did!"

"No, not like this!" I shouted back, jabbing a judgmental finger down at Snow's lifeless body. "This could have been handled differently! As much as I disliked him I don't think he deserved to die."

"You're supposed to be on my side, Light!" the teen cried, backing up against the stone wall a few feet behind him, bunching his hands into his hair in frustration and yanking on it.

My patience had reached it end. I crossed the small distance between us quicker than I thought possible and wrapped my hands aggressively around his upper arms, hefting him up to my eye level. He hadn't expected me to move as swiftly as I had so when my blazing blue gaze met his terrified green one, he gasped and tried to squirm out of my grasp. I dug my fingertips even deeper into his arms and slammed him up against the wall.

"I am on your side!" I bellowed, not really caring if the Sanctum heard me. "Why didn't you come to me for help?"

"I-I'm…sorry. S-S-Sorry," he sobbed, hanging his head in shame. "I-I…was s-scared."

I set him back down on the ground, albeit not so gently, and walked away from him. I made an entire lap around the dead end alleyway before coming to stand beside Snow. Saying that I was upset about all of this was a severe understatement. This was going to break my sister's heart, I just knew it. I stared down into his dull, lifeless eyes and knew that wherever he was now, it was a lot better than here, on Cocoon, constantly on the run from the Sanctum. He could rest now.

I risked a glance back at Hope, the corners of my mouth turning down when I saw his face stuffed into his knees. Once again, I wished there was something I could do for him, but it was too little too late. As I turned back to look at Snow one last time I ignited a Fira spell in my hand and said my piece to him in my head while the magic charged. Once the spell was ready, I lifted my hand and stared into the swirling flames for a moment, wondering if what I was about to do was the right thing. Before I could overanalyze it any longer I directed the spell at him and squinted my eyes at the bright flash that engulfed him in the searing flames. I stood there for an indefinite amount of time watching the fire consume him. The last thing I wanted was for the Sanctum to find him and splash pictures of his dead face all over every television screen in Cocoon. I knew, in the end, this is what he would have wanted.

When I turned away from Snow for the last time Hope was staring wide eyed at me like what I had just done was ten times more appalling than what he had done. I paused for a moment and took a second to just look at him. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy from how much he had been crying. He looked weary and much older than fourteen, something I could sympathize with. Seeing death at such a young age had completely changed me. Now that Hope had not only witnessed his mother's death, but also killed someone I knew his innocence was gone.

"Let's go," I said, marching past him without looking down.

He scrambled to catch up with me, continuing to stare over his shoulder at Snow's burning body. "Why'd you do – " His speech was cut off when I yanked him into a dark doorway as a PSICOM patrol came around the corner ahead. I clamped my hand over his mouth as they passed, my most powerful Thunder spell charging at the edge of my mind just in case they saw us.

The soldier passed by without noticing us, but he headed right toward the alleyway that Snow was still burning in and I knew he was going to see that. I watched the retreating back of the patrol, wanting to wait until he was a little farther away until Hope and I made a run for it.

"Alright, run now!" I urged, taking my hand away from his mouth and pushing him into the street. "Keep going until I tell you to stop!"

Hope took off down the street as fast as he could, needing no further prodding from me, looking back only once to make sure I was following him. I quickly overtook him to make sure he didn't run headlong into another patrol. My heart was pounding in my ears, waiting to hear the inevitable alarm sound that I knew was coming.

Even though I was ready for it, I still jolted when the sirens started blaring. All around me I saw lights coming on in windows that had been dark just moments ago and that's when I started to panic. I slowed down so Hope could pass me. The last thing I wanted was him getting captured.

"Keep going!" I called just loud enough for him to hear me. "Don't you dare slow down!"

About a block later we were forced to hide again when a large group of PSICOM soldiers came running down the street. I heard them talking amongst themselves about a body that had been found burning in an alley. So far, none of the soldiers that were already there couldn't identify it. The only thing that they could confirm is that l'Cie magic was used to destroy it. I couldn't help but sigh in relief. The Sanctum wouldn't have any reason to celebrate if they didn't know one of us had been killed.

It took us almost as long to get back to Hope's house as it did for us to find Snow. I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I could have laid down in the middle of the front yard and fallen right to sleep, not caring if I was discovered or not. I was almost wishing for tonight to be some kind of horrible nightmare and that when I woke up in the morning everything would be back to normal. Of course, I knew it wasn't that simple. Nothing in this life ever was.

I spotted Fang crouching in the shadows of the front door with her spear ready as we crept from the stairs to join her. "About time you two got back," she said, sounding irritated. "Heard ya leave and I've been waitin' ever since." She paused and shot me a knowing glance, only one question shining in her dark eyes. "Well?"

"I was right," I answered, not at all proud to be speaking those words. I covered half my face with one of my hands as I leaned up against the wall. All the raw emotions I had experienced earlier were slowly making me numb.

She chuckled, but I knew she didn't think what I had said was funny. "Shit," she cursed, glancing over at Hope. I could tell she wanted to say something to him but instead chose to stay silent, something that rather surprised me.

I turned my head just enough to get a quick look at Hope, the guilt and shame in his expression earlier had been translated to the rest of his body. He had slumped against the side of his house beside me, looking as limp as a wet noodle. I could still see tears falling from his eyes, making damp spots on his black shirt. It almost hurt to see him like this. I sighed to myself, worried about what he would become now that he had killed someone. He was still just a child. He should have never had to make such a grown up decision.

_This should have never happened,_ I thought with disdain, bringing my gaze back to Fang.

"What now?" she asked, tightening her hands around her spear.

"I don't know," I replied, shaking my head. For the first time since my parents passing I really had no idea what to do. I had people depending on me for answers and I was the one wishing I had someone to turn to.

_Serah, I wish you were here…_


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Dark Page**

* * *

><p><strong>(Lightning)<strong>

Coming out of crystal stasis was something I couldn't properly describe.

It felt as though I was experiencing a hundred different things at once, the foremost of which was rather unpleasant. I was in the middle of having a remarkably vivid dream when I was abruptly wrenched from it like a marionette jerked by all of its strings at once. My alarm lasted for only a moment before a sense of wonderment passed over me as my lungs suddenly filled with air. I gasped as the feeling gradually returned to the rest of my body, my skin continuing to tingle where crystal had once been.

The fact that I was no longer on Cocoon was obvious. The rolling hills of nearly endless grassy plains as well as the familiar sounds and smells of Gran Pulse made the ghost of a smile turn the corners of my lips up slightly until a strange thought occurred to me: _How in the name of all things holy did I get down here?_

I distinctly remembered defeating Orphan and watching Fang and Vanille transform into Ragnarok. The beast was so much more terrifying to see with my own eyes than a blurry picture in my mind. Cocoon's very foundation had been trembling so violently it seemed as though it was being ripped apart at the seams. At that moment is when I made peace with myself; I was prepared to die even though I hadn't achieved the ultimate goal of freeing my sister. That's when I turned to crystal, and the dreams began.

So I was slightly shocked to find myself alive standing on the surface of Gran Pulse.

The glint of the sun in the distance caught my attention and I brought my hand up to shield my eyes from the bright glare, but froze when I saw the sight before me. I had thought that Ragnarok would have completely torn Cocoon asunder, but the creature had done nothing of the sort. The immense crystal sphere suspended above the plains was stunning. My eyes widened as an unsettling thought entered my mind and I spun around, breathing a sigh of relief when I spotted the crystals of both Hope and Sazh a few feet behind me.

Fang and Vanille were nowhere to be found.

My chest tightened as I brought my gaze back to Cocoon's immense crystal, smiling in spite of myself. I knew they were in crystal stasis somewhere up there, but I wished they could be here with us. I had a feeling their help would have been invaluable now that we would be staying on Pulse full time.

I heard a gasp and whirled around to see Hope and Sazh standing behind me. My eyes fell on Hope and his look of wonderment as he examined his unmarred left wrist.

"My brand's gone!" he announced, a smile forming on his lips as he looked up at Sazh and I.

His words prompted me to check for mine and, when I pulled the neck of my uniform away, I was just as surprised as he was to see not a trace of my l'Cie brand. I brushed my fingers over where it used to be and sighed in relief, glad that it was finally over. A small part of me almost couldn't believe it. We had been put up against insurmountable odds – having to overcome some rather painful hurdles in the process – and still managed to succeed.

I knew Snow would have been proud if he were here.

Thinking of Snow made me look up at Hope with a guarded expression. My assumptions earlier had been correct; Hope's demeanor since the incident in Palompolum had changed. I could tell he was haunted. In fact, it had taken nearly a month for his nightmares to lessen. I've always been a light sleeper so every single time he awoke screaming during the night it jolted me into battle-ready alertness. The first time it had happened I had been on my feet with my gunblade extended in my hand in less than five seconds. Fang had become irritated with being woken up every couple hours very quickly; she even threatened to knock him out if he kept it up.

Obviously, Hope's strange behavior as well as Snow's absence raised a number of questions from the group, and Vanille and Sazh had been stunned when they found out Snow's fate. Neither of them had known how to react, but I really couldn't blame them. Vanille, who had been close to Hope from the beginning, tried being supportive, but I could tell her attitude towards him was different.

Even I attempted to help him. I still believed in the tough love method, but I couldn't leave him to suffer alone when I felt like it was primarily my fault. If I would have just kept my mouth shut none of this would have happened. I knew that whenever my sister woke up from crystal stasis I – along with Hope – was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

I glanced over at Sazh then and frowned, wondering what he was looking at. His was gazing towards the crystal orb of Cocoon, using his hand as a shield from the sun with his eyes squinted. A feeling of foreboding passed over me then, and I suddenly didn't want to turn around. I was getting ready to ask him what he saw when he gasped and a wide smile spread across his face.

"Dajh!" he yelled, sprinting past me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before finally turning, knowing exactly what I was going to see. As soon as I saw my sister walking towards us hand in hand with Sazh's young son, my heart plummeted into my stomach. I risked looking over at Hope and his face was white as a sheet, his hands shaking where they were fisted at his sides. My gaze went back to Serah, who was still smiling down at Dajh, unaware that her fiancé wasn't here. I set off towards her, forcing myself to place one foot in front of the other, determined to get this over with. I was still standing defiantly by my decision of making Hope explain himself to Serah, but I wanted to hug her first. I'd been waiting months to see her face to face again and I would be damned if I didn't get this opportunity.

Serah looked up when Dajh began running towards his father and, as soon as her eyes met mine, a brilliant smile stretched across her face. I couldn't help but smile back at her as I quickly closed the short distance between us, tightly wrapping my arms around her waist when she was close enough.

"Oh, Claire!" she exclaimed, burying her face into my hair. "I'm so sorry!"

"Don't apologize," I said, raising one of my hands and laying it on top of her head. "I should be the one saying I'm sorry. I should have believed you when you said you were l'Cie, and tried to protect you."

She nodded and backed away, rubbing her moist eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm just glad to be back," she said, smiling up at me. She moved to look around me and I felt my heart begin to race. When her eyes met mine once more I knew exactly what she was going to ask me. "Where's Snow?"

Even though I had been semi-prepared to hear it I was still unsure of how to answer her. "Serah, I don't know how to tell you this," I said, feeling my mouth and throat dry up. I tried swallowing and nearly succeeded in choking on my own tongue. My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears I thought she would be able to hear it. The conviction in her gaze was too much for me to bear, so I forcefully tore my eyes away.

"Sis, what is it?" she asked, concern beginning to filter into her voice.

She gently curled her fingers around mine as I turned away from her and I suddenly felt disgusted with myself. I couldn't believe I had let something like this happen. I shouldn't have left Hope alone with Snow, but, at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted them to settle their differences by themselves. I knew now that I had made a grave and horrible mistake. I should have kept Hope with me and let him confront Snow with me there to intervene. Maybe then he would be still be here.

"This is all my fault," I said, staring down at the ground.

Serah's grip tightened around my hand as she moved closer to me. "What do you – "

"No, it's not…Light's fault. It-It's mine."

Hope's weak voice came out of nowhere, making my breath hitch in my throat. This was it, the moment of truth.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

Both myself and Serah turned in Hope's direction, causing the fourteen year old to fidget nervously under our gazes. He was gnawing on the left corner of his bottom lip as he looked at my sister. I could see in his eyes how scared and nervous he was, but he was trying to face it head on like a man.

I felt Serah's eyes on me and I reluctantly looked at her. I saw nothing but confusion in her expression and I wished there was something I could do to shield her from the heartbreak she was about to endure. "Listen to him, Serah," I choked out, reaching up to squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

She frowned, but obliged before approaching Hope. I immediately turned away and began pacing through the thick grass, tightly gripping my hips. It felt like I might hyperventilate at any moment. I didn't want to stand here and watch Serah break down, but I knew I needed to be ready to comfort her. I paused in my frenzied pacing and forced myself to watch their exchange.

"Who are you?" Serah asked Hope, looking down at him with a half smile on her face.

"I'm Hope Estheim. I was there when you turned to crystal. I've been travelling with your sister since then." He paused and stared down at his hands. I was still close enough that I could barely see his hands shaking as he admitted, "I'm, uh… I'm the reason why Snow isn't here."

Serah was silent for a few moments and I knew she was still extremely confused, but the confusion was quickly turning into worry. "What happened?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Hope continued to stare at his hands and I saw him take a few deep breaths while he prepared to tell my sister the truth. My heart beat was reverberating through my skull as the seconds ticked by agonizingly slow. I was certain that this was the worst kind of torture known to man. I could stare down the fiercest monster on all of Pulse without a second thought, but, when it came to watching my sister's heart get broken in two, I was frozen with fear.

I felt absolutely helpless.

"S-Serah," Hope began, his voice quivering as he moved closer to her, taking her hands in his. "I-I…killed Snow."

I held my breath and watched Serah's reaction carefully. She ripped one of her hands out of Hope's grasp and covered her mouth, her expression warping into pure shock. It was like Hope had just slapped her. My face scrunched up in discomfort and I started pacing once again, weaving my fingers into my hair as Serah looked towards me for answers.

"Claire, what does he mean?" she called, her voice frantic as she broke away from Hope and jogged towards me. I felt the bile rise up in the back of my throat as she approached, her eyes wide with fear and disbelief. Her skinny hands latched onto my shoulders like claws and stopped me in my tracks, forcing me to level with her. "Where's Snow? Please tell me it's not true, please! Snow can't be dead!"

Seeing my sister so close to being reduced to tears only made me want to cry as well. I quickly lifted a hand to my eyes as my vision blurred, having difficulty swallowing the immense lump lodged in my throat. "I'm…I'm sorry, Serah," I labored, forcing my mouth to form the words. "I'm sorry. Snow's gone."

Serah backed away from me, shaking her head slowly, and covered her mouth with both of her hands. The first of many tears oozed out of her eyes and I felt absolutely wretched. My knees began to shake as my vision blurred once more and my gaze found Hope, standing forlornly behind Serah. His hands were linked behind his head and there were tears present in his own eyes. A few had even fallen, leaving shimmering trails on his cheeks. He met my gaze and I nodded, prodding him to continue.

He took a deep breath and reached out to my sister. "Um, Serah…" he muttered.

As soon as she heard his voice, she whirled around to face him, suddenly enraged. "You!" she spat, aggressively advancing on him. "I don't even know you! What made you think you had the right to kill him? Didn't you even think of the consequences? Didn't you think about the people you would end up hurting?" she yelled, throwing her hands into the air as she shouted at him.

Then she did something totally unexpected. She reached her left hand back and slapped him soundly across the jaw. The resounding smack echoed in the air around us and even I cringed, surprised by the suddenness of my sister's retaliation. Hope was just as stunned. He staggered away from her, holding his cheek, his eyes wide with shock.

I stared at my sister's back, waiting for her to make another move, but she remained still with her hands bunched into tight fists at her sides. Hope rubbed his cheek, gritting his teeth against the pain, before crossing the small distance back to Serah's side.

"You can hit me as much as you want," Hope stammered, still tenderly rubbing his right cheek. "I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I'll never be able to make this up to you." He got to his knees in front of her and carefully wrapped a hand around one of her still balled up fists. "But I-I still need to…pay."

I saw Serah's head turn in his direction and I couldn't help but suck in a sudden, deep breath, unsure of what she was going to do next. After only a few seconds of dead silence, she slowly uncurled the hand Hope was holding and sunk onto the ground beside him. I frowned and walked up behind Serah, slightly confused by her actions. As soon as she was on eye level with Hope she placed a reluctant hand on top of his head. My eyes widened by that simple gesture. Hope met my eyes from over Serah's shoulder and I could tell he was just as confused and surprised as I was.

"That won't bring him back," my sister mumbled, sniffling loudly. "I know Snow wouldn't want me to be scornful." She turned her face away from Hope as she wiped the tears from her face. "That doesn't mean I'm ready to forgive you though. You're gonna be making this up to me for a long time, kid."

A half-hearted, watery smile pulled up the corners of Hope's mouth as Serah lightly patted his hair before letting her hand fall away. "I'm fine with that," Hope replied, wiping his own eyes for the first time since all this started.

Serah and Hope got up from the ground a few moments later and I locked a steadying hand on my sister's shoulder. She met my gaze unflinchingly and moved to hug me as well. I firmly wrapped my arms around her neck and squeezed her for all I was worth.

"I'm so sorry, Serah," I said, knowing I would never be able to stop apologizing to her. "If I could have stopped it…"

"Don't, Sis," she said, leaning back to look me in the eye. "This wasn't your fault. I don't hold you responsible. You did your best and that's all I could ask for."

I still didn't feel relieved and I knew she was hurting a lot more than she let on. Serah was a much more forgiving person than I ever would be. Even though I knew she wasn't going to let Hope off easy, it was a better start than I had thought possible. I heaved an enormous sigh, allowing a sorrowful smile to crawl onto my face, as I pulled her into a one armed hug. I looked over at Hope and held my free arm out to him. It took a few seconds for him to grasp what I wanted, but he fitted himself next to me and brought his arm around my back, his head barely reaching my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around Hope's neck and crushed him to my side, bridging the gap between him and my sister for the time being.

The future was uncertain for all of us, but I knew hate would never be the driving force in any of our lives ever again.


End file.
